Secrets Make Loved Ones...Not So Lovey.

Ok. Vent time.

Why why WHY is everything such a big secret ALLLLL the time? Why can't you just treat me like an adult and talk to me about things instead of asking the people around me? If you want to know whats going on, the best person to ask is ME.

And, have you thought for a moment why you don't hear from me every day?

It's because I don't trust you. I DO NOT trust to tell you ANYTHING, and have you actually be excited for me, or understanding about my situation. I WANT to tell you everything! I WANT you to know what's going on. But when you react so negatively to my situation and my decisions I feel like I will NEVER be good enough for you to just love me for me.

I HATE being so negative all the time because I'm really not a depressing, sad, and bratty person. I'm really not. I feel so unconnected from everyone I've known my entire life and that KILLS ME. Because I have no one to turn to. Especially because what is heard through the grapevine is twisted and concocted into something that it ISN'T.

If you REALLY want to know, text me. You don't have to call. But if you ask...you CANNOT judge. Because I don't judge any of you. This is MY life. And I will live it. Whether you approve, disapprove, care, or not. I may be immature. But I am HAPPY.

Please just give up your prejudices and get to know who I am and who I am surrounded by. Once you get to know them. THEN you can judge all you want. But when you give them NO chance to even be who they are, I don't believe you should get a chance to judge.

Also, I want to throw out there that...I am NOT the go between. I won't relay messages that you feel like you HAVE to say. If there are things you want done, GO TO THE SOURCE. I am DONE feeling guilty for things I have no control over. I have a hard enough time trying to make decisions on my own, that I really don't need you to complicate it for me any more than needs be. I am not saying that I don't take your thoughts and ideas into account, because honestly, I DO. They sway my decisions more than you know. I just want to be able to make a decision and live with it without having regrets and hatred.

Now that I have said this, I also want to tell you that I love you. I always will. But as long as these secrets are going on...we wont ever get over this. I LOVE YOU. I just want you to love me too.

♥

Nee Nee