W.T.F. Vent # 1

Something that upsets me most in this world is when people aren't up front with me.

Look. I am a nice person! I try not to get in anyone's way. In fact, I will avoid it if at all possible. I also don't like confrontation. But I would much rather have that, then have people go behind my back and do things and say things to make a point. A point that I don't even understand because YOU DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT IT! Seriously though. I don't ask people for anything except to be nice to me. Granted, being nice includes being honest and trustworthy. But it also involves telling me what is bothering you about me so that I don't find out about it from something or someone else. You could even write me a note and that would be better than not saying anything at all. And don't text me about it. That's just immature. Also, don't tell me how to live my life. I know that you care, but things that may have been good for you, or worked out for you, might not be how it works for me. I can try it, yeah. But i'm not going to go out of my way to do things just so that you feel satisfied that you "HELPED". When in reality you just make me feel like crap every time you bad mouth something I'm doing. Keep that to yourself please. If it really bothers you that much, then write me a damn note about it. I'm not a brat and I don't just throw people's advice out the window. That's not how I am. I believe that I can learn from not only MY mistakes but YOURS as well. And everyone else's around me. You wonder why I like to do certain things, or go certain places, or put up with certain people? Maybe it's because I don't feel like I have to prove myself to them to get their understanding or to be wanted around. And i DO NOT have to prove anything to anyone. I won't. That's bull.

I am as much a part of this life as you are. So don't make me feel worthless by doing petty acts. You can do that just by not talking to me. If you don't like me, I'm sorry! Don't try to be/act like you're my friend then if you don't even like me.

I won't bother you if you don't like me or don't want me around. And the fact that you don't want me around shouldn't be based upon how I am dealing with MY problems in MY life. Everyone likes to have an ear (that doesn't even have to listen!!!) to vent to. I know you do because I have listened many a time to things that make you unhappy.

I appreciate that you may care and that you just want to protect me. I welcome it. But if I choose to do something else, you have no reason, or right, to be upset with me. Hell I don't even know if you ARE upset with me. But my dad and mom taught me that my body language is important for me to focus on because it gives out a signal. Whether it's good or bad. So I have learned to notice not only my own body language but everyone's body language. And your body language/action language/no talking to me about stuff language....it's all throwing off a really bad signal. And it is choosing my path for me. So if that is what you wanted- for me to do what you think is best for me- then I'm sorry. But I won't be around much longer. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. I really do. You were there when not a lot of people were. But I don't want to be hated for things and not even know what they are.

I'm getting ready to make a big decision. And right now, I am leaning towards the way you don't want me to. Because I feel loved in that situation unlike this one. And Brock is right about one thing right now. All feelings do is get you in trouble. Makes you feel upset about things that don't even matter. The logic in this situation is to just leave it. So I'm leaving it. You probably won't read this, so I will never know if you even know how I'm feeling, but to write it down JUST FOR YOU made me feel better and made me think about what I really should do in this situation. And I'm dropping it. "Now that its out, i'm done with you, and this situation. Goodnight."