its the wrong time...

Well THAT was a CRAP idea.

Feeling like crap lately. I just feel so down and out of place. I don't know what i'm doing. Since the apartment fire, I just feel completely wasted of all energy and excitement. Any want to do anything. if i had a man cave...(assuming i'd be a man of course) i would go and just be there (like a man.) I feel this is my lowest lowest low. Between the fire, and boy drama, and work drama, and church drama, and family drama....i just don't know what to do. And i don't feel like i can count on anyone without being judged, or told what to do, or given that look of..."yeah that was a CRAP idea on your part. what are you DOING!?" Not like i don't think that to myself every day. I just don't like being told what i'm doing wrong in my life. I already know. And I am going to listen and take your advice into account because i care about your opinion. Obviously enough that it is affecting my decisions good and bad! but you cant be mad if i don't do it your way.

I honestly don't know how i get out of bed some days at this rate.

Every Heart - Sara Haze

Every heart has a story to tell...so find the love inside yourself.

I Just Don't Know How

I am a worrier. I am constantly worried about something. It may not show on my face or in my actions but I always feel it. I honestly try to hide it so no one asks me about it. I don't like to talk about things I am worried about because I don't know why I'm worried, or I don't know how to resolve it.

I love two things. And I don't know what to do about it. It has gotten worse over the past month. And it is so hard. I am dying inside. The decision I have recently made was hard. And heartbreaking. And its not just me that its hurting.

I am told daily to pray about things i need help with...but right now I dont feel that it will help..almost like its to the point of no return. I'm not getting anything from Him lately. I don't know how or what to ask. Or how to worship him. I know that He could help...I just dont know how to...do anything. I'm completely lost.

And I dont know how this song correlates to what I'm saying...all I know is that it makes me feel.....something.

Guess who's an idiot

Me! I, in a rush to get to the Donut shop before work, grabbed my straightener and my fingers got burnt onto the hot metal plates.

Also, yesterday one of my co-workers smashed my finger in between a heavy box and a sharp corner of a shelf. It scraped off some of my pinky cuticle and some of my skin above that. It was awesome. I love her so so much.

So i have 3 band-aids on right now. Adorable, but still tragic.

Aaaaand I'm still an idiot. Boo.

♥ Nee Nee

Lost.

Making a decision is really hard. Especially when you have two options that you love. And the options are completely different. I like the option I have now. More than a little. But I also have another option still lingering on..Still there to remind me. How do you make a decision? How is it possible to please everyone and hurt no one, including yourself? And what is even best for me????

Like I said, I love both of these options. And with each option is something laid behind it that is also good. I have things that I want to do with my life....I just don't know what they are completely yet. So...I guess I should figure that out before I make any other decisions...I don't know. I'm just completely lost in what I really want...but also in what I really NEED. And which will turn out like it is proposed to be.